Carnival Heart The hunt, the bow and arrows games. I’ve never dated a person, instead I chased down my momentary fantasy, a childhood’s lost needs. Trying like hell to have the earth spin without me, to avoid flesh, bone, blood and the low budget carnival ride from the theme park: Never Good Enough, that hammers between my ears then sinks into my heart and goes round again. The hellish roller coaster, that speeds up when I expect it to slow down. Ramps up when I expect it to halt. Drops off when I expect a high... ...The high from a simple hug that is repeatedly shrugged off by those I deemed in charge, those I’ve surrendered myself too the you and you and you’s.
© SB Joy, 2022
3 thoughts on “Carnival Heart”
Yes, I too have been told that story. It’s been a life long struggle I suspect it will continue until the day I die,…a daily story of I’m not good enough. And I am. Now to convince myself I can be loved as I am.
I also want to say that I am sorry you have felt this way your entire life.