SBJ Studio

Carnival Heart

The hunt, the bow and arrows games.
I’ve never dated a person, instead 
I chased down my momentary fantasy, 
a childhood’s lost needs. 

Trying like hell to have the earth spin without me, 
to avoid flesh, bone, blood and the low budget 
carnival ride from the theme park:
Never Good Enough, 
that hammers between my ears then sinks 
into my heart and goes round again.
 
The hellish roller coaster, that speeds up 
when I expect it to slow down. Ramps up 
when I expect it to halt. Drops off 
when I expect a high...

...The high from a simple hug 
that is repeatedly shrugged off 
by those I deemed in charge, 
those I’ve surrendered myself too 
the you and you and you’s.

© SB Joy, 2022

Never good enough. Is that the story you were told?

SBJ