Carnival Heart

The hunt, the bow and arrows games.
I’ve never dated a person, instead 
I chased down my momentary fantasy, 
a childhood’s lost needs. 

Trying like hell to have the earth spin without me, 
to avoid flesh, bone, blood and the low budget 
carnival ride from the theme park:
Never Good Enough, 
that hammers between my ears then sinks 
into my heart and goes round again.
 
The hellish roller coaster, that speeds up 
when I expect it to slow down. Ramps up 
when I expect it to halt. Drops off 
when I expect a high...

...The high from a simple hug 
that is repeatedly shrugged off 
by those I deemed in charge, 
those I’ve surrendered myself too 
the you and you and you’s.

© SB Joy, 2022

Never good enough. Is that the story you were told?

SBJ

3 thoughts on “Carnival Heart

  1. lisajaneo says:

    Yes, I too have been told that story. It’s been a life long struggle I suspect it will continue until the day I die,…a daily story of I’m not good enough. And I am. Now to convince myself I can be loved as I am.

    Like

  2. lisajaneo says:

    I also want to say that I am sorry you have felt this way your entire life.

    Like

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